Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention Program
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 Winter 1999, Table Of Contents A Survivor's Story: An Extension of Himself by Diane Doyle Smith SAVI - A Poem by Mary L. Adison SAVI to Offer Services for Orthodox Jewish Women Sexual Harassment Support Group Support Group for Spanish-speaking Rape Survivors
A Survivor's Story: An Extension of Himself The year was 1946. The child was fast asleep by the light of the nursery lamp. She was a pretty child, fair of face, with dark straight hair and eyes so dark blue they appeared to be black. Her eyes were closed now and her long dark lashes left shadows on her cheeks. She had not seen her third birthday, but was for a great many purposes, very much a woman. Her given name was Diane, not a Saint's name, but the name of a pagan goddess, and so they added Theresa for Saint Theresa or the Little Flower. He studied her cautiously in order not to waken her. He preferred to surprise her as she slept. Perhaps she would think she was dreaming! If however, she awoke he would simply assure her that it was in fact, Himself, Daddy. He knew she trusted him completely, and besides she was crazy about him. He had taught her well even at this tender age. Her body and her will belonged only to him, she did not belong to herself. She did not even, he reasoned, belong to her mother; her mother belonged to him! The man was good looking, even handsome. He had thick dark curly hair, a shock of which he deliberately combed forward over his flashing blue eyes. He was tall enough for a man, about five foot ten, and about one hundred and sixty five pounds, all of it muscular and solid. The child doted on him and thought he was the handsomest and smartest Daddy in the whole world. His given name was Donald, also not a saint's name, but a Druid Conqueror's and so the middle name was Eugene, also a Saint's name. The first name was more apt! He finished off the last of his six pack which he had consumed after a number of shots of whiskey and told himself that he wasn't all that drunk. After all, he rationalized, a man has a right. There would be no harm done to the child. She was young and would not remember years from now. Even if she told, which of course, he knew she would not, who would believe her? No, she would keep his secret, perhaps she would think it was a game. He could make her believe that. Her mother would be home soon, he best get to it. Man has his urges, and anyway it was his wife's fault he reasoned, she was so cold. As for the child she enjoyed it, some children were like that, seductive, teasing. He slowly unbuckled his belt and the noise of the belt awoke the sleeping child. She smiled sleepily at him and he returned the smile in kind. "Suck it", Himself commanded. The little girl did as she was told. The child's mother came home from her part-time job and peeked in on the drooly faced child. She must have been sucking her thumb again, or she may be cutting a molar, thought the Mrs. She noticed that the teddy 's ear was soaked with drool. My goodness she mused, children that age suck on everything! Donald was sitting, in the living room brooding. The Mrs., her given name Margaret, followed by Elizabeth, had seen him like this many times before. Was something wrong, she queried? Bitch, Himself exclaimed. She walked wide around the chair in which her husband was sitting and he watched her through narrowed eyes like a wild jungle cat sizing up his prey. Then like any cat, he pounced. With one hand, he grabbed her hair and with the other he punched her in the face. She screamed and he put a hand over her face, while with the other he tore at her blouse. He wanted sex and her feelings about the matter were of no significance. "You can't refuse me." "I'm your husband." Margaret was whimpering now, Donald was in control, by being out of control. The Mrs. knew that he was right, because the Catholic Church taught her as a child that a woman cannot refuse her husband. Yes indeed, it sure was a man's world. Donald had conquered, male privilege flourished all around him. The next day the Mrs. answered the doorbell to find her own sainted mother standing in the doorway accompanied by Margaret's stepfather. The older woman stared at her daughter's blackened eye for only a moment, and then announced cheerily that she had brought them a cheese stollen from Eginger's Bakery and they all needed a cup to tea. The old lady had seen more than her fair share of blackened eyes in her day and was not about to make a big deal out of this one. To acknowledge that there was a serious problem with her daughter's marriage would place the older woman in the unpalatable position of allowing the young mother to return to live with her and her new husband and jeopardize her own relatively new relationship. To give the old lady her due, it had been a hard road for her too. Orphaned at an early age, she had come to America as an indentured servant to live with distant relatives. Her uncle had not kept his distance, forcing his attentions on her when she was only 15, and she married young to escape her terrible situation. Charlie, her husband kept the young Rose barefoot and pregnant, and she bore him nine children. Since her husband drank heavily and there was no welfare in those days, all of those children were raised in orphanages, except for Margaret who was the youngest and benefited from some companionship for her stepfather, Harry. Harry was Margaret's Santa Claus. Rose patted her daughter's hand. She did care. She remembered that Margie's father was found floating face down in the East River, probably after a night of drinking. Now she had found herself a decent man and was not about to let anyone interfere with that, not even her own daughter. But Margie needed her mother to be strong! She needed Harry to take her and the little girl away form the Conqueror forever. She wanted her stepfather to give her husband a piece of his mind and a thorough thrashing. A tear rolled down Margie's face as she put the dishes in the kitchen sink. Rose pinned on her hat. Goodbyes were said and kisses exchanged, while everyone ignored the tears and the blackened eye. The little girl played on the floor not knowing that her fate had been sealed that day, unaware of the misery to come. Diane was now three and her mother was planning to enroll her in pre-school. The children lined up single-file, all except for Diane who clung doggedly to Margaret's skirts and screamed at the top of her lungs. Margaret was beside herself. She was due at her job in exactly one hour and what was she to do? Margaret would have to take her home. They would try again in a few weeks. Meanwhile, the new job would have to wait. Margaret headed toward home with the difficult little child in tow. It was probably at this point that the unhappy mother decided that this was indeed a difficult child. This was, in the future, to work in the favor of Donald the Conqueror, as he would establish that this child must be given over to him for discipline, as she was too unmanageable for anyone to handle other than himself. He would claim her for himself and keep her to himself, unchallenged, unquestioned and free. to do whatever with her. The year was 1947 and male privilege flourished all around. The child was brought home and put to bed in short order. The Conqueror arrived and upbraided his wife that she did not know how to handle the child. Children needed discipline, he informed her in no uncertain terms. She must learn to obey! He and he alone would be responsible for the discipline of this child. She, the mother, was not to interfere. If she did there would be hell to pay. He motioned her to sit on the kitchen chair. She was not to move for any reason! As he spoke, he unbuckled his belt, folding in half. He shook the belt in the terrified woman's face and gave her final instructions. She was, under no circumstances, to come to the room. If she did, he would kill her. She should take no note of the child's screaming, this was a bad child, a bad seed, crazy like Margaret's unstable sister and he alone knew best! With those words, her husband was gone on his grizzly mission! The little girl cowered in her bed, surrounded by an army of stuffed animals. Donald filled the doorway, and announced to the child, "You're gonna get it baby." Something in the tone of the man's voice told Diane that this was not the way Daddy's talk to their little girls. Children have very good instincts! They are born with them! She told him he was a bad Daddy! This infuriated Donald the Conqueror. He lifted the child out of the bed with one hand, her nightgown crumpled under that hand, the other hand around her throat. Her little feet pummeled in the air. She would never feel grounded again! Daddy had turned into a monster with glaring eyes and a funny monster voice that hissed. He threw the child across the room and slowly and deliberately unbuttoned his trousers. He instructed the child to rise to her feet and take off her nightgown. He waited while she struggled to her feet and backed around the room slowly fiddling with the buttons on her nightgown, her childish and feeble attempts at buying time. He had all the time in the world. He could wait her out. No one would interfere, no one would challenge him. The little girl cried out for her mother! "Your mother cannot save you" said the Conqueror. "She's not coming." The child gave up the nightgown, and he instructed her to lay across the bed on her stomach. At first, she kept turning around to see what he was doing, but Donald told her "Turn around again and I'll kill you." She felt the first few lashes of the belt across her bare bottom, as he put his back and shoulders behind the power of the belt, then she felt something she did not recognize, something incomprehensible to a child's mind. Her body felt like it was being torn apart. Maybe she was going to die! She didn't want to feel this anymore, so she blotted out the pain and disappeared inside herself, and when she returned Daddy would be back and the monster would be gone. It would be the first time in many times in her lifetime that she would disassociate. It was now 1948 and Donald the Conqueror was now in complete control of his household. Margaret was terrified of him and she spent a good deal of her time convincing herself that things were not as bad as they seemed. His frequent temper tantrums had given way to constant beatings followed by effusive apologies and empty promises, all of which resulted in a honeymoon type of atmosphere. All of this terminated in additional and more violent beatings followed by more promises and apologies. Occasionally, one of her neighbors would call the police, but most of the police at that time were Irish and would either shake Donald's hand (he simply had his Irish up), or suggested that the Conqueror take a walk around the block to cool off, a suggestion that he would totally ignore. He altered his attacks between his wife and his child who was four years old now, and a veteran of physical as well as sexual assaults. Margaret, in her confusion and desperation, tried to convince the child that things were not as bad as they seemed, but her words fell on deaf ears. The child at this point, was angry and mistrustful of her mother, feeling that her mother's inability to protect her was due only to a lack of love. The child could not comprehend that the woman's fear was of such magnitude that she feared for her own life, nor did she understand that at this point her mother was acutely depressed and on the verge of a mental breakdown. She began to take the beatings and the sexual assaults like a little soldier. She would not protest or cry out for her mother but would concentrate on a spot in the room or on the ceiling waiting for the carnage to be over. Sometimes, if it hurt too much she would disappear inside herself or float to the ceiling, not feeling the man on top of her or the pain that racked the inside of her body. It was only after the attacks were over and she noticed the bruises on her inner thighs, or she felt the sharp pain when she was trying to pass her urine, that she became increasingly aware how frightened and unhappy she was. It was early in the year 1949 and Diane awoke at midnight with a high fever. The Mrs. took the child's temperature and it read 106 degrees. Donald the Conqueror ran downstairs to a pub and called the police, who in turn called for an ambulance. He returned to the apartment to find the child vomiting dark red blood-, her face was bright red and on fire. He could have fried an egg on her forehead, and he was sure she was going to die! Donald had stood at the foot of the bed many times before, but never like this. Maybe God was punishing him? Maybe now she would tell. He consoled himself that if she did die, he need not worry anymore as to her incriminating him in his vile and outrageous behavior. The police arrived with two ambulance attendants, but the vomiting continued and no one wanted to touch the child. She did not cry however, for she knew better than that, and the policeman and attendants were shocked at the calm way in which she asked them if she was going to die. She had faced the possibility of death many times before, so she was quite matter of fact in her blunt question. The child's diagnosis on admission to the emergency room was pneumonia. She was cleaned up, put to bed, placed on an I.V. and given conditional last rights of the Catholic Church. The doctor of record sent her sputum and a throat culture to the lab, along with a blood sample and a sample of her urine. The lab technician was aghast at what he found! Acute disseminated gonococcal infection. He repeated the test a second time, but once again the test came to the same conclusion. Acute disseminated gonococcal infection. The pneumonia was the secondary infection! The gonorrhea was the primary infection. He took the stairs two at a time. The doctor of record shook his head knowingly. Gonorrhea very often presents itself as pneumonia if it is allowed to fester untreated, for a long period of time. Jesus H. Christ, she's five years old; the lab technician was gesticulating wildly. The doctor of record was brief. He told the nurses to treat the pneumonia with massive penicillin and any other antibiotic you can throw at it. It will kill the gonorrhea as well. Omit the gonorrhea from the medical records, the diagnosis is pneumonia. The lab technician was incredulous. "Her old man is fucking with her?" The doctor of record was exasperated. "If this stays on her record you'll have a lawsuit against the hospital. You will spend a lot of time in court, and probably risk losing your job. Pneumonia! Case closed! If we can get her better, we'll send her to a rehab--it will give her a break from the old man". Once again the child's fate was in the hands of those who did not want to know anything/admit anything. Diane Doyle Smith is a successful working woman who has raised three wonderful children. She is a SAVI volunteer. Last summer, SAVI staff member Jodi Licht talked to students at Manhattan's Beacon School. A month later, the Health Education Teacher, Christina Molinari, surprised SAVI by sending $210.77 that the students had collected to support SAVI's work. She also enclosed letters from 13 students. The following are excerpts from those letters. "I really liked your visitation to our school and talking about rape and domestic violence. It really wakes me up and be more aware of people around me and things I do with other people. It makes me wonder what are the limits. I learned a lot of stuff from your presentation." - Mac "People like you can really make a difference in this hectic world. There are not many people that can come and talk to a group of high school kids. They just don't have the patience. I really learned a lot about the rape subject." - Deny "When we were discussing whether [the guy in the date rape story Jodi told them] should be to blame, a girl in my class said that 'guys are guys and it is expected of them to do these kind of things.' When I heard this, I was very shocked because simply being a guy does not make an excuse for the stupid things that they do. The girl that said that I think realized by the end of the class that guys have to own up to the things they do." - Josephine "Many kids nowadays do not really know the boundary lines of what is wrong or technically wrong according to the law, or right for that matter. Because situations are sometimes blurry, we cannot really make good judgements. However, you have explained a lot to me." - Yvette "I have been lucky enough not to have to deal with a situation such as rape, but I know someone who has. Had she known what you explained to us in class, she probably wouldn't have had to go through the severity of the trauma she experienced. I feel your information is very comforting for someone who has been faced with rape." - Aubrey "Sexual and physical abuse are extremely important issues, especially when we are at this age where there is confusion on the borderlines of certain behavior. The story you told us really got a lot of people thinking about whose fault it really is in those kinds of situations." - Marissa "I sincerely thank you so much for coming, although I did see sides of people in my class I did not want to see. I am glad there is a level of clarification on how people stand on this issue. Without sounding corny, I think what you do is one of the most noble, commendable things I have ever even fathomed. I feel so passionately about this. I feel the need to say it. I can't imagine how emotionally draining it must be to see women in that state. I wish someday I could build up the strength and just humanity to be able to do that. What you do has such an amazing impact on people. And the fact that you have the devotion, well, it just amazes me. I thank you for coming." - Ruth "I have learned that rape is a crime that can affect the victim both physically and mentally. I also learned that if I ever had a friend who was in that situation, I would immediately remind them that it was not their fault at all. I would support them in any way I could. Since you do this for a living, you are probably used to these stories and used to the way you help the victims. However, as I sat in class listening to your informative, yet frightening lecture, I was touched by the way you helped these victims cope with this nightmare. It's just very comforting to know that people like you are out there. Thank you!" - Sayuri This program has been around since nineteen eighty-four This year a dozen Chase employees under the leadership of Chase VP and SAVI volunteer Susan Mitchell worked all weekend at SAVI on projects ranging from data entry, collating ER packets, stuffing mailings and filing clippings, to planting ivy and washing windows! SAVI is so grateful to Chase and to this terrific crew! Assistant District Attorney Linda Fairstein to be Honored Philip Morris Lauded for its Efforts to Stop Domestic Violence SAVI will honor famed Linda Fairstein, the Manhattan Assistant District Attorney who is the chief of the Sex Crimes Unit, at the 2000 Benefit on May 16. Ms. Fairstein she has served on SAVI's Board of Advisors for many years and she has been an important and outspoken supporter of the program. She speaks to advocate trainees each year about legal issues relating to sex crimes. Her work in the District Attorney's office and her extensive work in writing and speaking about the topics of rape and domestic violence have raised consciousness and assisted in the successful prosecution of these crimes. Ms. Fairstein is also the author of a series of successful mystery novels set in a fictional DA's Office. These books are entertaining and also serve to bring the message to the public that these crimes exist and are handled with skill and caring. Philip Morris Companies, Inc., will also be honored for their timely and sensitive public service campaign to raise awareness about domestic violence. Steven C. Parrish, Senior Vice President for Corporate Affairs, will be SAVI's Corporate Honoree for Philip Morris. The company hosts an annual conference on domestic violence and its handling of the issue as an employee concern is a model of corporate responsibility. Audrey Goldsmith Kubie will chair the event. SAVI to Offer Services for Orthodox Jewish Women In response to requests from Orthodox advocates and counselors, SAVI plans to offer counseling services for Orthodox women, provided by counselors who are themselves Orthodox in a setting that is perceived by the Orthodox community as friendly, or at least not threatening. A Focus Group in October gathered valuable input and assistance from social service agencies, as well as individual rabbis and other community leaders. A training has been scheduled on January 9, 2000 for volunteer counselors. Services are expected to be available early in 2000. The initial phase of this project has been made possible by the generous support of the Mount Sinai Auxiliary Board. Sexual Harassment Support Group Adult women who have experienced sexual harassment either in the past or present are invited to participate The group is being offered in response to the damaging effects of sexual harassment and to provide a safe environment to express feelings with other survivors. All services are confidential and free of charge. The group is ongoing and meets on Tuesdays from 6:00-7:30p.m. in Manhattan. For more information please call: Support Group for Spanish-speaking Rape Survivors Adult Spanish-speaking women survivors of sexual assault (past or recent) are invited to participate The group is being offered in Spanish and the purpose is to provide a safe environment for survivors to express their feelings and personal experiences. All services are confidential and free of charge. The group will meet on a weekday evening to be determined from 6:00-7:30p.m. in Manhattan. For more information please call: SAVI Advocate The Mount Sinai Sexual Assault and Violence Intervention Program (SAVI) is a donor and grant- supported program dedicated to assisting sexual assault and domestic violence survivors. SAVI provides emergency room crisis intervention in eight hospitals in Manhattan and Queens, individual and group counseling at four sites, and a variety of public and professional educational and outreach programs. Submit articles, poems, artwork for the SAVI Advocate to: |